《剑15》 Test 4 大作文 详细解读！

剑15  Test 4 大作文 详解

“ 【笔者寄语】

感谢新航道雅思培训阮恩（章跃）老师将如此珍贵的剑15真题破解机会交与我手，笔者诚惶诚恐。仅以拙作一篇，讲授技巧二三。如果你已经翻过了雅思写作7分的分水岭，那么下面新航道雅思培训老师分享的这篇写作范文及得分点解构你就该好好看看。来，我们开始。”

【Task 2】

“ In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.”

【审题】

拿到题目的一瞬间，同学们是否发觉此题跟剑14的Test 1颇有相似？首先，话题比较抽象，两道题目都在某些程度上讨论“人生到底是佛一点儿还是拼一点儿？”因此，某些主题词汇是不是一下子就跳到你的脑海里了？本题相对会简单些，相信大家一眼就扫到了题目中出现的“anything”一词，那么，这么、极端的字眼我们遇到后要干嘛？没错，我们开始盘它！

【Introduction】

Is there anything wrong with the conventional mindset that parents should have high expectation of their children? The answer is ‘No’. However, this is not always a universal truth.

Ø 以“暗示”的方式去引入，为读者营造一种可脑补且生动的情境 ——“望子成龙”这个事儿，是不是突然就很有话说；

Ø 注意句话中的实意词的感情色彩，conventional一词的使用就是在暗示读者: 笔者要去“破除”这样的固有思维，那是不是就等于回答了“利弊性质”了呢，这就是“藏”着写；

Ø 注意本句的措辞技巧: 如果你已经厌倦了常规的“背景+改写+观点”的八股文，那么这种“设问”的开局方式，值得借鉴与模仿。对，没错。就是要自问自答，不给读者太多的思考空间直接代入开篇；

Ø Lexis高光不要刻意为了用词而用词，如: 某些同学可能想去将universal替换为意思接近且看起来更“”的ubiquitous一词。但是，如果这么做就破坏了基于语境的常见固搭，因此同学们一定要多注意规避这样的appealing traps。

【Body 1】

In the hope that children can have a flying start in their career, be it academic or professional, parents usually impart an idea into their descendants’ mind that persistence and diligence make a huge difference. This is understandable. Driven by such parental impetus, numbers of young people achieve their goals. For example, having burnt the midnight oil for hundreds of times, a student with normal scholastic aptitude is finally admitted by MIT. In this sense, such ideology does help nurture kids. However, this is only an incomplete part of the whole picture.

Ø 本段句中出现的语法现象值得一提：同位语从句加倒装现象。尤其是内置插入的倒装部分，如果不懂，问你的写作老师吧；

Ø “This is understandable.” 长句子之后嵌入一个短句。前面的句子内部信息较为密集，需要在此处刹个车、缓一下信息流淌速度，使得文章有张有弛；

Ø Lexis: 如果你的作文要7+，那么idiomatic expressions必不可少，如：have a flying start, burn the midnight oil等；

【Body 2】

As a matter of fact, the aforementioned harvest is reaped at the sacrifice of the student’s physical and mental soundness, and, more importantly, the parental clichés of hard work cannot be applied to many walks of life, especially those requiring much talent and epiphany. A compelling illustration is that kids who innately have a malfunctioning auditory or vocal organ are least likely to be a singer like Luciano Pavarotti, a world-renowned Italian tenor, no matter how hard they try to imitate and practice. Likewise, a child suffering from polio is predestined not to run as Usain Bolt does. At this point, the encouragement and stimulus from parents, in essence, are a high tale that will render children pressurized and even frustrated.

Ø 本段的头两个句子的syntactic structure都十分高能，做好解构和模仿工作吧？定、状从用得好，你就能领略到写作世界的蔚然大观；

Ø Likewise的后一句在引用修辞做类比（analogy），这种论证方式你不学一下么？

Ø Lexis: 如果你的作文要7+，那么less common vocabulary 以及 idiomatic expressions必不可少，如：reap, soundness, epiphany, render, pressurized, high tale等等；

Ø TR也解释一下吧，本文看似没有在罗列disadvantages的一二分别是什么（因为这样太八股了！），可文章无时无刻不在回应“只要努力就能实现任何事”的荒诞性(high tale一词的出现就是天方夜谭)。因此，笔者旨在无限的放大和弱化原argument，可不就是等于写了disadvantages了么？get到了吧？

Ø 推荐本书给大家读读吧，E. A. Poe的《恐怖怪诞故事集》，里面都是high tales；

Ø 记住，“达意” （or “表意功能”）永远是雅思写作语言关的要义，追求极简与自然。

【Conclusion】

Now, the conclusion seems to be quite crystal-clear. It is unrealistic and thus unnecessary for parents to spur children to do anything, since everyone needs to slow down and smell the rose, with children being no exceptions.

Ø 只要实现了表意功能，结尾偷懒又如何？

Ø 修辞再现：alliteration（头韵）不学一下么？上一段还有一个consonance（尾韵），看到了么？

Ø 诸位在紧张的学习生活中也要记得去take pleasure from pains, 去slow down and smell the rose.

Ø 本篇用时: 27 min.

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